Hello
once again, today I want to discuss a trend that is as old as the
creation of man which is jealousy and how it has been mistaken for resentment.
The topic of jealousy takes various shades and colours from the jealousy of a
lover, the jealousy of a specific gift to the jealousy of a person’s success.
The reason why I am writing this is to tell you that being jealous is ok, but
don’t let it grow into resentment. I know you might say “hey aren’t those the
same?” but they are totally different things and in this piece, I will tell you
the difference between the two.
My
definition of Jealousy is an advanced form of admiration for someone when they
do something or perform a feat which you are unable to do. For instance let us
take two male singers one is a high pitch singer who can even use the “whistle”
technique of singing and the other singer who has a baritone voice capable of
shaking the bones of any listener. The high pitched singer could be jealous
because he does not have the “mojo” of the baritone singer and vice versa. But
they have one thing in common they are talented in their fields and try to
complement each other by singing duets and strengthening their weaknesses. From
this example, the two characters are jealous of their skills but they find
common ground and work together. This then graduates from jealousy to mutual
respect.
Resentment
on the other hand is when you hate someone for something you do not have and
you hate them so much, you wish they would just not exist. Being resentful
about someone can also be described as “jealousy on steroids”. Let us take the
same scenario I presented in the previous paragraph. Only this time, the
baritone singer is so jealous to the point where he mixes a laxative in the
other singer’s drink and during his performance, the high pitch singer begins
to have a running stomach before the climax of his performance and makes a
comedic exit from the stage and goes straight to the toilet. The baritone
singer does this because he does not have the same skill and charisma of the
high pitched singer and by so doing resents him.
From
the definitions and examples that I wrote above, I am sure you are getting a
clearer picture on what I want to discuss today. The concept of jealousy is a
default emotion that exists in every human despite your race or ethnicity.
Anyone that says that they have not felt jealous in their life time is a
big-fat-liar. And if you want to dispute with me, please leave your comment on
the box below and your e-mail address and I will personally prove to you that
at one point in your life, you were jealous. But guess what, it is ok and
normal to be jealous of your colleague or your friend, do you know why? Because
you are challenging yourself to do something better and that friend (if he/she
is a good one), will gladly give you some tips on how you can achieve what you
want.
There
are instances where jealousy can graduate to resentment. This happens when you
are not relating well with your friends and you are what our young ones call a
‘fre-nemy’ or ‘Hater’. These people may hold some grudge against you and will
use that to try and bring you down or they just downright hate you for being
you. If you make a small mistake, they will blow it out of proportion by
over-emphasising the mistake to inflict psychological damage on you. For
instance, in our present age of the internet, we see resentment plastered on
our faces every time we visit the latest gossip sites in the form of love
triangles (or decagons in most cases), artists fighting over rights to a song
and someone opening someone else’s garbage to discredit someone because that
person is better than the perpetrator this is also seen in our academic system
especially high school in form of cyber bullying. THIS IS CRAZY.
Resentment
is a slow killer of character. Someone who is always resentful of other people
or another person and his accomplishments will do anything to bring that person
down to make him feel better about him/her. We hear comments like “na only him
get car?” or “na only him dey for dis world?” they bitch about the success of
the people around them and the end result is always deadly. In some cases the
resent-er will go as far as hiring assassins or thugs to molest or kill the
resent-ee to break his or her spirit. The resent-ee has done nothing wrong to
the resent-er but just because the resent-ee is successful or happy the
resent-ee has committed an “offence” which is just plain stupid. When you
continue with your resentment, you will indulge in various types of vices like
armed robbery, home invasion and murder because you think that God and the
universe are unfair to you. Please let me burst your bubble. You are not the
only one in this world. The difference between you and him is his determination
to be more than what he is today. Do you want more out of life? Do you want to
expand your present circle? Then look for something that you always wanted to
and do it. Did you want to sing? Then humble yourself and learn. The internet
is full of tutorials on voice training; song writing and training on any
instrument you want to set your heart to learn. If you don’t have the time to
learn them, keep the idea fresh in your mind, or write it down in a diary as a
part of your to-do list.
A
person who has a skill-set that you don’t have is not an alien from outer
space. That person went through training and busted his or her ass to get to
the level she wanted to be. When I started voice training, during my earlier
years, I was jealous of my music director but that did not make me to resent
him. I was bold enough to approach him for lectures and practical training on
how to become a better singer and thanks to him and the internet I have reached
a level where I can stand shoulder to shoulder with him on stage. Need I remind
you that this took years to achieve this feat? I am still learning how I can
become a better singer than I am presently. Because like my wise father always
says, NEVER STOP READING AND NEVER STOP GROWING.
Your
friend may be a skilled actor and you cannot interpret your lines like he does.
That does not mean you are a dummy. As long as you are alive you can learn to
be or better than your friend. Just take that extra step and practice. Go to
art school, read books, go to the internet, research and “bust your chops”
until you achieve your dream. I’ll reveal a secret to you that you may not
know. Those with raw talent can only stop at a particular level in life. A
talented singer can only tap into certain areas of music but someone who is
determined to become a singer and goes through rigorous training will always
outshine the talented one. There is no need to resent anyone for what you don’t
have. If you want something, don’t moan like a bitch about it, work hard and
train till you get the desired result.
Before
I give my keyboard a rest I want to conclude with this. It is ok to be jealous.
See it as a means to give some meaning to your life. If you are the type that
sits on his/her ass everyday and complain, you are the resentful type and guess
what, you will end up gathering unnecessary cholesterol until you get a heart
attack at a young age. Please remember that, God always has the back of anyone
who goes through life without resenting anybody because in his word, he says,
“he resists/opposes the proud but gives grace to the humble” (James 4:6). Do something with your life to give your
existence some meaning and you will not be resentful and if you are the jealous
type, find out how you can become a better person for yourself before you cross
the line from jealousy to resentment. THANK YOU.
SO,
ENJOY YOUR LIFE AND EXCEL!
You
can reach me on my facebook page www.facebook.com/iexcel360
E-mail:
johnnyogah2000@gmail.com
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